I’m writing this post to really get it, as a reminder to myself to read again in the future and to have the notes to review in the future.
The divorce was not fun (it was miserable) and it’s not something that you want to do again. Remember how you felt in the fights that never seemed to go anywhere, the times where you should have bitten your tongue and the grace you needed and should have shown more. You hung in there, you fought the good fight and it didn’t work this time around. Here’s some of what you learned about love.
These notes are taken from Matt Chandler, pastor of The Village Church. It’s probably going to take a try or two to get this, but here’s the love you’re shooting for.
English is a funny language where we use the word love in so many ways that it has lost it’s potency and it has become insufficient. We love the sunshine, we love the internet, we love our spouse and we love pizza. Those Hebrew homies had their ways with words, though, that described love differently. It came in three parts and built on top of one another to more thoroughly describe the relationship. It would be wise for your brain and your heart to get this. Let’s review the way the Hebrews spoke of love so you can remember it by heart.
The base of Hebrew Love, Raah (said rye-ah)
Raah is the Hebrew word for companionship. And not the “hey bro, let’s go hang out” companionship. It’s a word that’s used between humans and not between a person and an item or animal. Instead it’s the “oooh, I’ve seen the not so great side of you and I still want to continue doing life with you.” Matt goes on to say that you can’t experience raah during a first, second or third date. We can usually fake that. This is after the crazy has come out and you still say “I want to continue going down this path with you.” Without this foundation and revealing, love goes no further. This part is scary.
Stack it on top, Ahavah (said ah-ha-va)
So, cool, you’ve got raah down. You’ve seen the crazy and you’re still in. You’ve got raah and that leads into ahavah, “the love of the will.” Ahavah is were we’re in a fight and it’s hellish. We’re both furious, emotions are running high, you’re acting crazy and I still say “I’m not going anywhere.” We may be fighting, we may have issues and I want to stay with you and fight with you, no one else. This is the part that helps a woman feel secure in your relationship. Oh, by the way, God wants us to go through these steps of Raah and Ahavah and not have sex. Not yet. We aren’t married.
The cherry, Dode
We’ve got the companionship portion down with raah, I’ve still battled with you and your crazy and still want to stick around and figure life out with you, boom, ahavah. Woo, that’s a lot of work so far with no sex. We get married, now it’s time for dode. It’s the mingling of two souls and the word dode is only used when raah and ahavah are present. Dode is not sex, though it is a component of it. The intimacy that we’ve been searching for has been fulfilled. Without the raah and ahavah, the sex ends up being just technique and not the mingling of souls.
So there’s the beginning of it. Here are the notes and sermons where this came from so you remember.
And don’t worry, you’re going to make mistakes along the way. God’s mercy and grace is infinite. It’s okay.