Yesterday, BlackBerry and I experienced a little turmoil in our relationship. I want to go on record right here, right now and apologize to the millions of people that experienced an outage due to my foolish mistake. Yesterday, BlackBerry came to me wearing a new pair of jeans that she had seen Lady Gaga wearing. For the record, @LadyGaga haunts my nightmares, she is often there, stealing my organs after @Pink has cold clocked me. Anyhow, BlackBerry came by the office to show me her new jeans and asked me the question every man dreads hearing “do I look fat in these jeans?” Not thinking clearly and having my truthful and analytical hat on, I slowly drew my eyes away from my computer screen, she turned around, I turned my head sideways like my dog Clunkers does when he’s confused and responded “yes, yes you do.” STUPID MISTAKE. She looked at me with fire in her eyes, the way she does from time to time (studies show she’s happy about 99% of the time) and said “you’re paying for this one and all your nerdy friends will too.” CRAP. I knew what that meant. Shortly there after I started receiving tweets, text messages, Facebook messages and even phone calls (GASP!) asking me what I had done. People were clearly upset. I felt like Tiger Woods as my four words turned into a trending topic on Twitter. Although the weather was warm in San Antonio, it was an icy night for me. BlackBerry asked me “How could you say such a thing!? Are you some kind of IDIOT!?” My slip of the tongue costs millions of you your addiction yesterday, causing massive withdrawals and anger, all due to me. I. AM. SORRY. I must have apologized to BlackBerry a thousand times. So what did I do to fix it? A home made dinner, a massage, I scrubbed toilets, read to her and was compassionate. I tried to speak as many love languages to her as I could… and it worked. This morning, she was as chipper as could be. She tried those jeans on again and asked me “so how do I look?” “Sweetie, you look beautiful.” So BlackBerry addicts, there you have it. That’s why your device didn’t work yesterday, I’ve now publicly apologized to you (she made me do that) and now all is well with the world. Welcome back to your addiction and Merry Christmas.
photo by Floyd Brown