Today, I read about Sprint’s newest contest “Blaze Across America with 4G” on Engadget. They’re looking for the most humorous, creative and original essay on why you’re fast, to win the new HTC EVO, cash and a 4G trip to either Houston, Chicago, Maui or Vegas. I thought I’d share my entry to the contest:
I:
caused Usaine Bolt to change his name to Usaine Thunder after following my lightning speeds.
tweet faster than @Scobleizer.
play a faster fiddle than the devil down in Georgia.
hit 88 mph faster than Doc Brown’s DeLorean.
drink a gallon of milk in 36 seconds (it takes Chuck Norris 37).
do a 101 hand slap in the time E. Honda can do a 100 hand slap.
beat out Speedy Gonzales as the fastest mouse in all of Mexico, then came back to Texas.
have a measurement of time named after me – NANoseconds.
won the 24 hour race at Daytona in 23 hours.
move so fast, I use black holes as treadmills.
speak faster than the Micro Machine man.
walked so fast around Vegas that I was #1 on Foursquare in the city during CES.
I’m already in the “choppa” faster than Arnold knows to say the words.
get the bell rung on me in 7 seconds when I ride a bull instead of 8.
Lance Armstrong doesn’t know what the front of my jersey looks like.
caused a reshoot of the video of the moon landing. Neil’s first words were “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?”
Share your entry in the comments section.