Category: Leadership

Have Business Relationships That Last

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Ed Wallace, a “recovering CPA,” was kind enough to take time out of his busy schedule speaking and consulting to talk about his new book – Business Relationships That Last.  Some of us instinctively know how to manage business relationships, but most of us need a system.  As W. Edwards Deming said, 94% of failures are due to poor systems, only 6% are human error.  It’s worth noting that just because you have a system for managing relationships, it doesn’t mean that it’s mechanical and rigid.

Why did you write this book? (Ed answered this question in two parts – personal and professional)

“The personal reason I wrote this book is that I was a senior VP for a software company and one afternoon I was at my
desk when I was supposed to be out of town. My wife called and said our 8
year old son Grant fell and to meet her to see Grant. As I was leaving the office, my wife called back and she said we have to meet
at the helipad. Let me tell you, Nan, nothing can prepare you for a MASH scene where you see
your son laying on a gurney. It’s petrifying. You don’t know what’s
happening. It looked like he had a severe concussion and he’s
semiconscious. This was the cathartic moment that showed me how fast
things can change. I realized that I had the whole dream, but I notice
I wasn’t leaving anything behind. I had always wanted to write about
relational platforms. This was the moment when I needed to do this.
Within 6 months, my boss bought me out of my contract and gave me 6
months severance. During these same 6 months we had to take Grant for MRIs
because he had a spot on his brain, but don’t worry, he’s good to go now.”

“Professionally speaking, it’s a big message and it’s perfect for the times. This is a process to build business relationships using 5 steps to turn an acquaintance into a high performing contact.  A research firm asked senior VPs the secret to their success. 88% of them said relationships. They followed up asking them what they did with that information.  24% track relationships in their CRM systems. Great, now what did they intentionally do about them? Less than 5% said they have strategies to manage the relationships. Shouldn’t you have processes for your relationships when 88% of Senior VPs say that’s the key to their success?”

What are the essential qualities of a solid business relationship?

“Credibility, Integrity and Authenticity build solid business relationships. Credibility is the power to elicit belief. So once you’re credible, people begin to share their Relational GPS – Goals, Passions and Struggles. This lets you make commitments, that when deliver on them, gets you integrity. During the process, you have authenticity. This convergence builds relational capital, the distinctive value created by people in a business relationship.

Your client’s Goals Passions and Struggles matter. When you understand their goals, you can help them.  A GPS in the traditional sense gives you directions from satellites that have converged. They tell you where you need to go. If you’re trying to build a relationship, you really need to learn about all the aspects of your prospect’s/client’s GPS as well. Passions are things that people care deeply about. The way you hold a conversation or provide a referral builds credibility, which opens the door for people to share their passions. As they share their passions, they realize they can share some of their struggles. When people reveal their goals, passions and struggles, they’re laying out their road map. It’s important to note that this is not linear, but once you’re credible, people will typically share their goals first, then struggles and finally, passions.”

Tell me two things I can start doing immediately to develop better business relationships?

“First, every meeting you have is a perpetual audition, even in a good relationship, so don’t take a relationship for granted. Second, be prepared to ask good questions. Questions lead to credibility which launch the relationship.  Have worthy intentions about the relationships, where their needs come first. Don’t take any of the meetings for granted. You can always advanced the relationship a little further. Do you want to get really good at asking questions?  Sit down and interview a young kid for 5 minutes while they’re doing
something, like playing with Legos. Go ahead, ask follow up questions with a 5 year old. This helps you
get good at asking adults questions. It’s the 2nd, 3rd, 4th questions
that get you in.”

Ed, you write about the concept of “common ground” in the book, what does that mean?

“Common ground is the first rung on the Relational Ladder. What we suggest is to not guess whether the person we’re speaking with wants to build rapport or talk about business. Let them lead you down the path about what they want to talk about. It’s their meeting to decide whether they want to talk about business or personal.

Let me share a story.  We had a meeting with the VP of Talent of a company. She had a week old vase of two dozen roses on her desk and had to move them to see us. We didn’t bring up the roses. We go through our meeting and at the end, she wants to hire us. As we’re preparing to leave, she asks, “why didn’t you ask about the roses?” We told her that we like to model for our clients what we talk about. She still hasn’t told us what the roses were for! It’s crucial to let the client steer you. This means we start by telling her “we’re glad to meet with you today” and then wait to see how the meeting should go. Did they start talking about rapport, asking questions about your trip and whether you found the location easily or does the person get right down to business?  Pay attention and follow their lead.”

Can you tell me what the five rungs are on the Relational Ladder?

1. Establishing Common Ground: launch the relationship
2. Displaying Integrity and Trust: secure the relationship
3. Using Time Purposefully: invest in the relationship
4  Offering Help: share relational equity
5. Asking for Help: realize returns on your investment

Can you share some examples of how your clients have implemented what you teach and what the impact has been on their business?

“Some clients have built the Relational Ladder into their CRM systems and made the terminology of the ladder into their system. The conversation goes around the relationship first, not about where are they in their pipeline. Sales cycles have been reduced significantly. One internal team implemented this and had a customer satisfaction increased by 55% after the account manager and the CSRs implemented the system. Another high tech sales firm reduced their sales cycle 22% in 6 months.”

If you’re interested in learning more about Ed or Business Relationships That Last, check out his website or drop him a line.

When Was the Last Time You Took Time to “Just Listen?”

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What do you get when you mix a Huffington Post writer with a psychiatrist, FBI hostage negotiator trainer and an executive coach? Mark Goulston, MD. Mark has made a 30 year career out of dealing with people, ranging from scared children to people in crisis. Fortunately, Mark made time for a call with me to discuss some tips from his new book, Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.

In all your years of listening to people, what are the top three tips to being a better listener?

“First, realize nobody listens with an open mind, including you. You think you are being open minded, but you’re not. One of my favorite quotes is from Wilfred Bion, who says to listen with an open mind requires that we “listen without memory or desire.” When you listen with memory, you have an old agenda you are trying to plug someone into; when you listen with desire, you have a new agenda that you are trying to plug them into, but in neither case is it their agenda. Second, if you listen with an open mind and drill down deeper, people will open their minds, hearts and wallets, because no one feels listened to. Third, the best way to listen with an open mind is to focus on what’s really important and urgent to the other person, then use all your resources to help them achieve that, even if it it requires The Miracle on 34th Street pitch. It’s important to know that this may or may not get you hired, it may allow you to refer someone else to the person to whom you’re speaking. It causes 3 amazing benefits. 1. You can relax on having to sell people, because there’s no anxiety to maneuver someone  2. It deepens the trust with the person you’re speaking to. I did this once when I drove an hour to see a person.  After listening to him, I told him he could hire me but I suggested he hire another person first to take care of a more pressing need.  It built massive trust. 3. When you make a referral to good people, say another service professional, you’ll realize that referrals are the coin of the realm in the networking world. When you make a referral, they’ll likely refer back to you.”

Mark, that’s excellent advice.  So we should listen with an open mind and really listen to the needs of people and make referrals when they’re appropriate.  What’s the impact of not listening well to a client or a colleague or a boss?

“All you have to do is ask yourself, “What’s the impact on me?,” especially if you have something important to communicate. When you get blown off or they interrupt you or they bring it back to what they need, it frustrates you. If you’re frustrated or worse, what does it do to your motivation to cooperate?”

Keeping the level of frustration down is certainly important when you’re trying to get things done.  How does being a great listener strengthen your ability to lead, manage or sell?

“The first step to being a great listener is to use the “I” word, important. The first thing to say to someone is “What you’re saying to me is too important for me to misunderstand. I’d like to repeat back what you said to me, would that be alright?” After you say that, wait for them to say “yes.” That begins the “cascading yes.”  When people do the “cascading yes” and you become clearer with their thinking, their gratitude increases toward you. If you come from a place of integrity, a true desire to help the other person, as opposed to maneuvering them, this will cause people to beat a path to your door and have them tell other people to do the same. If you disagree with something, it’s best to say “tell me how you came to that?” Before you come to a conclusion about the other person, get evidence by asking more about what they’re saying. Use conversation deepeners such as “tell me more” or “hmmm.” Use the right tone for “hmmm” like you’re saying “yum yum, what you’re saying is so good I can’t wait to hear more.”

Mark, how can becoming a better listener be a competitive advantage in general?

“If you are in the position of not being listened to and it makes you angry, when someone really listens to you and helps you become clearer in your thinking, you’ll standout in their mind.”

Mark, can you give me an example of how being a better listener can benefit someone’s personal life?

“One of the key motivators for me to write this book and realize how important listening is, occurred when my now 27 year old daughter was 8 years old. She now had to share mommy with our third child. She was having trouble doing that and was throwing tantrums and requiring timeouts. I came home one day when I had to “handle” my daughter. She was having a primal deprivation. She wanted mommy and “hated” her life. Instead of sending her to her room for a time out, I asked “What is it Lauren?” in an inviting but firm way. When it was clear that I wasn’t going to punish her or go away, she responded “I was the first to be born, I will be the first to die.” My oldest daughter is the only first born in the house. We had been punishing her for being terrified. At that point, she ran and jump into my arms and said “daddy, keep talking.” At that point, we both cried. I could feel that helping her to not feel alone and not be punished could have prevented a disaster later. You don’t have to be a psychiatrist to be a good listener. If you believe that most people are decent people and when they act up, it may be something is going on inside, not that they’re bad people. Persevere with them when asking questions, “That’s not it. What’s really going on?” They’ll finally crack and say something like “I’m scared because we don’t communicate and I don’t want a divorce.” This enables people to exhale. Venting is where the other person is running you over and it feels exhausting. You feel like getting defensive and neither of you are calm, you’re both exhausted. If you don’t take the venting personally, when people go from venting to exhaling, they go from showing their teeth to showing their neck. In trusting you with your bared neck, you will typically do the same and bare your neck, too.”

Can you tell me the one thing that I should start doing today to become a better listener?

“Think of everyone that you’re trying to get through to today, personally and professionally. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself, as them, how well they feel listened to and cared about by you? Be honest with yourself. If, when you do this, your answer is that they don’t [feel listened to], then ask yourself how motivated you would be to want to extend the conversation. The likelihood is, not very motivated. Now that you know this, you can say to these people “I’ve been thinking about our relationship or business together and I realize that there’s a good chance that I don’t really get where you’re coming from. I’d really like to know that. If you’re willing, please tell me what’s important to you and what you accomplish from our dealings with each other.”

As I wrapped up my call with Mark, he provided me one more piece of information that can earn you more money, become better respected and develop peace in your life and the lives of those with whom you come into contact.  You’ll have to come back soon to find out that secret.

Follow Mark on twitter at @markgoulston

Developing a Rabid Fan Base

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How frequently do you find people talking about what they want, how important they are and what they’re looking to accomplish next?  Most people are friendly enough to allow that chatter for a bit, but it gets boring quickly.  Instead of framing your life around what you’re looking to accomplish, look to build a rabid fan base.  A group of people that are fired up to help you in your endeavors.  Do so by pointing the arrow away from you and focusing your energy in easing the struggles of others.

Understand that you can’t help everyone.  Instead, look at those activities where you have been given special gifts, then apply those gifts in supporting others.  Are you amazing at building websites or encouraging others to take action?  Don’t hoard those gifts!  Interestingly, everyone wins when you help.  They win because you helped them in an area where they weren’t able to help themselves.  You helped yourself by practicing your strengths.  Speaking to people about what matters to them, on their level and helping them along the way allows you to build an army of fans.  Do this your entire lifetime.  Do this for those that you can’t imagine being able to help you in return!  You’re building a better world around you that will ripple.  Sooner or later you start seeing the effects.

“It’s not who knows you that counts, it’s who knows you and what they think of you.” – Ken Blanchard

photo by: aaronisnotcool

Crowdsourced Questions for Mark Goulston, M.D.


Mark Goulston, M.D. is a psychiatrist, business consultant, and FBI hostage-negotiation trainer. He His expertise has been tapped for in The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, Los Angeles Times, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, CNN, BBC News, Oprah, and The Today Show. He recently wrote Just Listen, Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone. Since I’ll be interviewing Mark soon, I’d like get some questions answered for you.

Do you have a person professionally or personally that you’re having trouble getting through to? Do you struggle in times of conflict or crisis? Submit your question in the form, use a fake name if you’d like, and I’ll ask Mark. Then, stay tuned for the answers in the next few weeks!

You can follow Mark on Twitter at @markgoulston

Never Say “No Problem” Again

Most humans live by the law of reciprocity where you do something of positive value for someone and they feel an obligation to do something of positive value in return.  Taking the time to enhance the lives of others will have a positive effect on yours.

The critical moment comes when someone says “thank you.”  Due to our prior interactions and media we’ve consumed, we often respond with:

“Nothing to it.” or “It’s just my job.” or “No problem.”

We’ve all said these lines before when someone thanked us.  It’s easy. It seems like the right thing to stay.  According to Dr. Robert Cialdini, you’re throwing away a valuable part of your social currency.  When someone thanks you, they are extending themselves in showing you how they honestly value what you’ve done for them.  If you respond with one of the terms above, you’re destroying the goodwill you’ve created and robbing the grateful person of an activity their brain wants to complete – the need to reciprocate.

Next time, instead of responding with “no problem” or “it’s just my job,” try “you’re most welcome, you’d do the same for me.”  You’ll notice that most people will respond positively and agree that they will do the same for you!  I’ve been using this method for years.  The first step, though, is being willing to extend yourself to help others.  Help others genuinely, repeatedly and without keeping score.  You don’t need to keep score any longer when you do this.  You’ll have built goodwill and solidified your goodwill and the benefit you provide in the minds of others.  Do this for people that are close to you, do this for strangers.  Everyone benefits from you reaching out, including you.  How much goodwill can you build today?  In effect, how many people can you help today?

As seen on MySA

Pixar vs. GM – FIGHT!

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This weekend, Pixar took top honors at the box office with Up, smacking about $70 million dollars out of our pockets and tickling the cranky critics.  At the same time, GM is approaching bankruptcy and, if it clears, will be the third largest in the history of this country.

Why bother mentioning both of these companies in the same post?  Although it would be insane for me to say that I know what that one thing was that sunk GM and made Pixar a winner, I will offer up food for thought.  GM lost the race because they offered too many choices (aka brands) to allow for their success and Pixar kept it simple.

In 2008, GM manufactured Buick, Cadillac, Chevrolet, GMC, GM Daewoo, Holden, HUMMER, Opel, Pontiac, Saab, Saturn, Vauxhall and Wuling.  General Motors began by purchasing different car and truck companies in its early years, but kept the manufacturing, looks and brand personalities separate.  More recently, it merged different brands and models together.  No longer was it clear to GM and its customers what a brand or model stood for and why it was necessarily different or better than its shared parts cousin.

Pixar’s history is quite different.  Since the launch of Toy Story in 1995, Pixar has only launched one movie every one to two years.  Pixar has been nominated six times and has won the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature 4 times since its inception in 2001.  The company’s movies consistently earn well at the box office and are well received by critics and viewers alike.

If you review the mission statements/objectives of these companies, you will notice that GM’s generalized statement talks about providing their customers “superior value” from “products and services.”  Contrast Pixar’s objective to “develop computer-animated feature films with memorable characters and heartwarming stories that appeal to audiences of all ages.”

When you overwhelm your employees with too many options, you make it difficult for them to provide a clear and concise sales message for a particular item.  Additionally, it does not allow your company to focus on what matters most and what your company can be the best at.  At the same time, too many choices confuse your customers.  The decision becomes overwhelming and customers become lost.  Could you slice your product offering in half, leaving more time to better your best offering?  What effect would this have on your employees and your customers?  I’d love to get your feedback in the comments!

As seen on MySA.com

So Much Culture, Boy George Is Envious – Zappos

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Yesterday, a tweet from Mark Ruddock, CEO of Viigo got me thinking about corporate culture.  He said “Playing with Android all weekend … finding myself intrigued by the way corporate cultures are reflected in their products.”  He went on to say “UX (user experience) lacks holistic finesse of iPhone … and core operations (such as eMail) lack UX efficiency of BlackBerry…many facets beautifully engineered behind the scenes … however I have a real sense it was built by geeks for geeks”

I thought these were great points.  Whether you understand what Mark tweeted, the part that stuck out was he could tell the culture of the company simply from an inanimate object.  You likely feel the same way when you pick up a MacBook Pro.  You know that Apple cares about aesthetics, they care about materials, user experience and quality.  Even if your company is service based, your customers can still feel the culture as they interact with the people in your company.

I toured Zappos back in January.  Zappos started life as a shoe company but chose to be a retailer in general, the main thread holding it all together was service.  It showed.  Every room we walked into, the Zappos folks would stop what they were doing, bring out noise makers, clap, or stand up and greet us.  It was a small gesture, but I will forever have a special appreciation for their example of quality service.  Their corporate culture was amazing, contagious and unforgettable.  Yes, I’m also a customer and have received world-class service, too.

Why bother talking about culture at all?  Because your company is going to have one whether you’re doing anything about it or not.  My suggestion is that you make conscious decisions to make your culture remarkable.  If you don’t, the culture is going to be what it becomes and that may or may not be a good thing.  Having made a decision on what your company culture is the first step.  The next step?  Tell your people what the culture is, then develop core values, a purpose and a brand promise that all support this culture.  When you do this, it makes the culture easier to understand and to spread, especially to new hires.  Further, it helps those in the company make the right decisions when facing tough obstacles.  Go on, make your culture remarkable.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering about the photo, that’s Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos.  He takes pictures with famous folks and does bunny ears.  So, naturally, I asked.

As seen on MySA.com

The Nickels and Dimes of Social Interactions

The importance of saying please and thank you

With the surge in shortened communications, such as Twitter and text messaging, there seems to be a loss in the nickels and dimes of social interactions. Those small but valuable tokens are the words “please” and “thank you.” I know, you only have 140 to 160 characters to get your point across. I know you’re busy and moving quickly. Just remember, everytime you choose to have an interaction with a person, be sure to drop them a nickel or a dime. Just like compound interest at the bank, those nickels and dimes turn into dollars later.

picture by EJP Photo

As seen on Salesby5.com

Hope Destroyed Causes Destruction

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Over 1,000 POWs were held in a North Korean camp during the Korean War.  This camp was not surrounded by the typical barbed wire, armed guards or dangerous fences.  The POWs also experienced less violence than most other prison camps.  Interestingly, this camp did not have any POW attempt to escape and also had the highest death rate in the history of the United States.

The soldiers in this camp had every shred of hope withheld from them.  Any positive correspondence from their family at home was never delivered, while any letter mentioning a death, divorce or overdue bill was promptly delivered.  The soldiers were encouraged to tattle on one another.  When a soldier did so, he was rewarded, but the one whom had been tattled on was never punished.  This created rifts between the men.  So much hope was drained from these men, that they would leave their each other outside in the elements to die because it “wasn’t my job” to do anything about it.

Today, you have the power and opportunity to provide hope, caring and support to those around you.  Talk to those around you and find out how they like to be recognized, whether in public or private.  Find out what their preferred means are of receiving the praise.  Some people prefer a quiet thank you and recognition, while others will appreciate a handwritten note.  Look for opportunities to showcase the best of one of your coworkers or employees today.  Won’t you try it for a week, then come back and post the impact on Friday?  If you need help in gathering some details, take a look at these resources.  I’d love to see the stories.


photo by Franco Folini
As seen on MySA.com